My Next Move

If you’re tired of hearing about my job search, well, too bad. Imagine how I feel! I’ve often heard about medical school syndrome, where the students suddenly feel like they have all the symptoms of every disease they study. I think I have a mutated version of this, called job-seeker’s syndrome. As I look at job openings, I suddenly realize I have vast pools of untapped talent!

I recently saw an ad for a Pastry Supervisor and thought, perfect! I have supervised and disciplined a few pastries in my day, let me tell you. I know how to keep a pastry in line. It’s good to know that all my EZ Bake Oven practice will finally be put to good use.


It’s true that I’m a vegetarian and the sight of blood makes me swoon, but there seem to be a lot of openings for both meat cutters and meat packers, so I might have to reconsider.
And I know that theoretically you have to go to medical school to be a psychiatrist, but honestly I feel like I could do it. I was in HR and if that isn’t close enough then I could pad my experience with a few months as a bartender. I also feel qualified to be a Brand Manager, having done at least two case studies on P&G when I was in business school 100 years ago. And while I don’t technically have a background in journalism, I feel confident I could produce news segments if given the opportunity, and, once someone explains to me what that entails.

Recently I’ve seen some really intriguing job titles that I think would look great under my name on a business card. Consequence Manager. Awesome, right? I can manage consequences; I’ve been doing that my whole life. How about Director of Competitiveness? Very cool job title, and I want it. If you’ve ever seen the wild look in my eyes during a marathon game of Monopoly, where I have hotels on every property and you are nearly broke and begging for mercy, well, then you know I can handle this one.

But perhaps what intrigues me the most is a career in Counterintelligence. I’m very adept at being counterintuitive, so I’m really just a few letters off my true calling. And I am multi-faceted too; not only can I counter intelligence, I can counter stupidity like nobody’s business!


I hear you, I need to give this more thought. With any luck a lucrative position as a Cat Wrangler will open up any day now. Until then, you guys are stuck with my “career” as a “writer.” You’re welcome.

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14 Responses to My Next Move

  1. The Regular Guy NYC says:

    Keep the great writing going. In the meantime maybe you can combine all this job experience into one career opportunity. I think US Senator would be it!

  2. bethteliho says:

    I love you as a writer! I hope that career sticks. Until then, my vote is for cat wrangler. 🙂

  3. Pam Waits says:

    Between Chiron Beta Prime and my own limerick blog running through my head, I was inspired to inspire you with your very own limerick. Keep your head up, good luck with your search, and take the limerick to heart (at least the last line). (Disclaimer: the last line is not meant to imply you are not currently successful. As your loyal readers will attest – you are incredibly successful already.)
    There once was a woman named Jill,
    Who thought her job search was up hill.
    She felt like a misfit
    Until struck by kismet
    And now she’s successful as hell.

    • Jill Foer Hirsch says:

      This is awesome Pam! When I do finally find a job, I will frame this and hang it right next to my flying pigs picture, to remind me of my own greatness!

  4. katecrimmins says:

    Cat wrangler…..would that be like herding cats? I am sure you have done this in your business experience…except that cats are smarter. Good luck with this.

    • Jill Foer Hirsch says:

      You know it’s bad when a statement like “cats are smarter” is true…with their little tiny ‘brains” and all…

  5. You always make me smile ~ and giggle! Keep up the writings and reach out to me, I may have a job idea for you! (via email pls). 🙂

  6. mimijk says:

    I really understand the burden of being so talented and diverse in your abilities that there are more positions than not, for which you’re more than qualified. Lucky for me, you’re not foregoing writer, for I think you shine (not that you wouldn’t shine in any of these jobs you’ve mentioned). I also think you’d be really good in forensics…we’re good with determining guilt too. 😉

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