A Few Laughs, Some Nice Pictures, And A Glimpse At An Archaeological Dig

Well it’s been a good week so far. I gave my talk on Tuesday and I think it went well; I don’t believe anyone fell asleep while I ran my mouth for an hour. The pressure was on too; the woman who brought me in to speak introduced me as “laugh out loud funny” and told another group it was like coming to see a stand-up comedian. I tried to punch everything up even more after that. Sometimes when the audience forgot to notice how funny I am I just gave them a gentle reminder, “That was funny. You can laugh now” and they were remarkably compliant.

Yesterday morning was annual mammogram time, and I aced it!! I take a very nice picture if I do say so myself, but no worries, I’m not going to post the images here. It was sort of interesting though; you may recall that I had to have another biopsy last May, which happily came back negative. When they did the biopsy they injected a small metal clip in the area they were worried about, which helps when they’re looking for any changes. After they inserted the clip they took more mammogram photos and confirmed the clip was properly placed.

But yesterday…no clip. No clip anywhere to be found. The tech took lots more pics trying to find the damn thing, but no such luck. The radiologist checked the film and was pleased with how everything looked, but at a complete loss as to what happened to the clip. In fact, she asked me in a somewhat accusatory manner if I knew what happened to it. As if. So to review, I had a piece of metal hanging out in my breast, and it just up and left. Gone, ciao, b’bye.

Many of you know that when I was undergoing cancer treatment I had a little mishap with a tissue expander and ended up sporting a side/armpit boob for about 6 months. The bottom line is that my right breast seems to aggressively displace any foreign object. Who knows, in another few years I might have a whole lost and found…or just lost…attributable to my right breast.

Coincidentally, and I swear that neither I nor any of my body parts are responsible, the cats have put one of our car keys in a black hole somewhere in the Cat Dimension. We have looked everywhere-under the appliances, under all the furniture, inside all the cat condos, under the rugs, everywhere. That key is simply gone. Not too long ago an entire package of fuzzy white mice disappeared. Every last mouse, gone, gone, gone. It got me thinking, maybe the cats have something to do with my missing clip? I don’t like to point fingers, but, it certainly begs the question.

This car key thing really escalates the situation because now I’m worried that they’re going to sneak out of the house at night and go hot rodding…


and we all know that will not end well…


Someday, many years from now, an archaeologist is going to uncover 15 fuzzy mice, one Subaru key, and a small metal clip, and try to make sense of how the objects fit together. Damn I wish I was going to be around to laugh at them.

This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to A Few Laughs, Some Nice Pictures, And A Glimpse At An Archaeological Dig

  1. bethteliho says:

    Oh my GAWD you have me giggling this morning! That is so strange about the clip! But I think you’re right, your body either moved it, absorbed it, or shot it out. What else can we put in there? *claps* let’s play hide and seek! Maybe your cat is telepathically in control of your right breast? We. Must. Experiment.

    • Jill Foer Hirsch says:

      I think my cats are too apathetic to be telepathic, but you never know. We really need a talk show to discuss these and other critical matters.

  2. Pam Waits says:

    Congrats on the mammogram and the talk. Way to go on losing the clip. They may have been right to accuse you, though. From everything I’ve read on your blog, you’re the type who would hide it just to mess with them. As far as the cat burglars in your house, sounds like they take after you.

  3. katecrimmins says:

    Yay for the negative mamo! I lost a clip in there too. It was after the biopsy and prior to surgery. I was just settling into lalaland in the operating room when the surgeon said, “I can’t find the clip!” Sure as shooting they stopped the juice and ambled me off to radiology to get a needle stuck in the spot with a Dixie cup on top. Very high tech! Turns out the clip was there but for some reason wasn’t showing up on the ultrasound contraption. Hope you have better luck than I did with it.

    • Jill Foer Hirsch says:

      That’s too funny, we must be two very talented ladies to be able to make a metal clip disappear! I like the Dixie cup technology–maybe one day…

  4. mimijk says:

    I wonder if they’re in the same place as the socks that disappear from my dryer…So happy that your mammogram came back clean – and I knew you would rock your talk!

  5. The Regular Guy NYC says:

    Good news on passing the test with no negative results. Now maybe you can find my watch in there that I lost a few years back…….

  6. Betsey says:

    Hooray for a clean mammogram! About the clip and key…you might have to get one of those old guys on the beach with the metal detectors to help you out.

    • Jill Foer Hirsch says:

      Good thinking! I’ll just look for the guy on the beach wearing black socks and sandals…the usual suspects.

    • Funny when just mice, but now that a $100 key is involved, may have to give more white mice to the cats, see if they lead me to key. Unless someone out there has access to electronics needed to interrogate a Subaru key’s passive transponder at meter+ scale, or you want to come look for yourself. And what’s that on Toonces’ head, a puppet master a la Heinlein?

Comments are closed.