If there is one thing that can bring us all together this volatile election season, it is quite simply, Oreos. Classic, delicious Oreos. No, they’re not good for us, and no, we probably shouldn’t eat them too often. But I don’t think anyone can deny liking Oreos. Right?
What I firmly believed before today is that although Nabisco has flirted with changes in the past, it never got too out of hand. Just a variation on a theme. Double Stuff, Thins (shouldn’t they be called Half Stuff?), Mint, Red Velvet, holiday editions, whatever. But no matter what, I had faith that Oreos have always had some form of chocolate. It is my right as an American to demand no less than that. It’s the 32nd Amendment folks, look it up.
Somehow, in an affront to my senses not just as an American, but as a human, we have this situation:
WTF?
I wish I could tell you this is a joke, but I can’t. And it gets worse. As you know I always research a topic thoroughly before bringing you these blog posts, and in the course of my 10 second search for information about Oreos, I learned to my horror that these in fact are not the first aberration. Not anywhere near the first. As recently as not too long ago, there were “golden” Oreo cookies (gasp, vanilla!) with watermelon flavored filling. Fruit punch. Pumpkin freakin’ Spice. Is nothing sacred? Apparently while we were busy worrying about mass shootings and climate change and things, someone sneakily repealed the Chocolate Amendment. And Nabisco is now allowed to run amok.
Seriously, WTF?
I really don’t know how many times I have to say this folks, fruit is not dessert. Fruit is at best breakfast. At very best. And I might absentmindedly nibble on fruit as a snack from time to time. But it is certainly never my focus. What’s even worse than fruit? Fruit flavored items. And they don’t even stop there. For example, Fruit Punch is a flavor, not a fruit. You can’t go pick a punch fruit off of a tree. And you sure as hell don’t want to dunk it in coffee, or heaven forbid, cold milk.
How does Nabisco not understand these rules? They are the ones who taught us precisely how to eat Oreos in the first place. Break the cookie apart. Lick off the filling. Dunk the cookie into cold milk. A permitted variation, and one that I follow, is to dip the entire cookie into the milk. Following these rules, one gets not only delicious cookies, but also leftover sorta chocolate milk at the end. The leftover milk is not as good as Cocoa Puffs leftover milk, but certainly right up there with Cocoa Krispies leftover milk.
Now, if you’re more of a Fruity Pebbles leftover milk drinker, not sure why anyone would be but if you are; maybe you like the idea of dunking Watermelon Oreos into milk. And to that I say WTF is wrong with you? But I say it in a super nice way so as not to offend you. *Insert charming smile here*
If you want to see the extent of the damage, check out this list of every flavor of Oreo ever made. I can’t vouch for its accuracy, but I can guarantee it will leave a bad taste in your mouth.
Nabisco, please, just walk away from the fruit. Don’t look back. If you won’t do it for yourself, then do it for me. Do it for our country.
Oh, yeah, did you read some of those names? Like what would “Back to School” taste like? gym socks? text books?
How about “Spring” or “Nascar”???
I too have a soft spot for Kraft Mac and Cheese, totally against my crunch granola image, I know
OMG I missed that! I will have to back and look. Nascar? Umm, burned rubber Oreos? Good grief!
I like watermelon, I’m found of Oreo cookies (not a big sweets eater) but watermelon Oreos? How weird. I can’t even imagine how that would taste. I hate stuff that has (insert fruit name here) flavoring. Especially after I read the Doritos Effect (great book) and learned that vanilla flavoring is made from pine cones!!!
I think that Nabisco is trying out new flavors and calling them Oreos instead of coming up with new packaging, and a new name. They are being lazy and cheap. No piggybacking on Oreo fame! You should start a petition.
regards,
Theresa
I think you’re right about being lazy and cheap Theresa. And while I would love to start a petition up here in the states, we kind of have a lot going on right now. No doubt you’re down there laughing at what complete morons we are…well, some of us, are.
Not laughing at all, just sorry that my absentee ballot is essentially worthless. Just because I moved doesn’t mean I don’t love my country, in my case it just means that I can’t afford to live there.
My kids and grand kids live in the USA, I worry sometimes, but then again, I think what the news has changed into a big reality tv show with all the integrity of one, instead of a impartial reporter of what is happening.
regards,
Theresa
It’s good to be a bit removed though. Living in the middle of it it’s easy to get caught up in anger, etc.
Wow. I feel like I have a confession to make. I’ve eaten lemon Oreos… and I liked them. I don’t know, maybe I should join Oreos Anonymous. So, so sorry…
Wow. Sad. And here I thought it really was going to work out between us. Just goes to show you never can tell about some people. I will try to overcome my angst
I’m so ashamed…
There, there dear. We’ve both said things we’d like to take back but we can work our way through this. 🙂
For Pete’s sake, what are they thinking? Leave the fruit to the pie makers! Hello, Marie Calendar . . . ??
Exactly! This is just so so wrong.
I’m right there with you…an outrage and affront to my culinary sensibilities!
I know from our Amphora lunches that like me, you have a refined palate. Hope you’re finding amazing grilled cheese in NC now!
I love double stuffed! I also love the vanilla ones but I draw the line at fruit. Fruit belongs in a popsicle or on ice cream. It’s written in the book.
I am prepared to forgive your transgression into vanilla because technically you’re still following The Book as written. I’m just relieved that’s where you draw the line.
Oh dear god, no! Why are they always messing with perfection? Even double – or half – stuffed is too much for me.
I know! This could ruin part of your planned retirement activities! I mean, I assume they involve Oreos, as with most people.
Oreos and Kraft Mac n’ Cheese.
Perfect!
Justin and I recently looked up all of the Oreo flavors ever concocted. People in other countries have some very weird ideas about what should go between those two cookie halves. I agree, fruit or fruit-like flavors have no business being in an Oreo.
What we have here is bad enough! I don’t want to think about what else is out there. I can always count on you and Justin to commiserate. Other than that one foul up with the mention of a jam swirl in brownies. No worries, we saved it in time. I forgive you.