How Much Wood Could A Wood Chipper Chip If A Wood Chipper Could Chip Wood?

I woke up yesterday to a text from a dear friend, who lives in another city. I have known her my entire adult life, so, I felt certain I knew a lot about her. But she sent me a text at 2AM that said:

“The fat one won’t fit in the wood chipper. What do you want me to do?”

Yeah. Exactly. Shades of Fargo, right?


Well, I reasoned, she does live on a lot of land and does a lot of outdoor type stuff, so maybe she really was, for some reason, chipping wood (that’s an actual thing, right?) and had sent the text to the wrong person. Because we all know I am worthless in any kind of outdoor situation, let alone an outdoor situation that involves machinery.

As far as I know, and I feel pretty certain about this, she has never harmed anyone and/or shoved anyone into a wood chipper. So I wasn’t too concerned. Still though…I texted back and said:

“Umm, what exactly is going on in [name of her city]?”

I won’t say where she lives because it might give away her identity to mutual friends who would probably want to mock her. And I think I’m doing enough of that for all of us.

Then I waited. I had a lovely day hanging out at CJ and Lisa’s pool, but kept an eye on my phone because Wood Chipper Girl was still on the loose. She finally texted back:


And it made me laugh out loud, because it’s such a brilliant idea. Right? So I told her I love her, because I do, and then I got back into the pool because it was hot out. I floated around with barely any thoughts at all about who or what might be in a wood chipper somewhere. And I certainly didn’t think about that terrifying clown. Not for a minute.

But I might watch Fargo again, because, wood chipper.


This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to How Much Wood Could A Wood Chipper Chip If A Wood Chipper Could Chip Wood?

  1. Pam Waits says:

    Will that clown fit in the wood chipper?

  2. The chipper is way less scary than that clown.

  3. Lisa says:

    Hot damn, I made the blog. This is the BEST day of my life!!! Giddy with excitement down here! I must save this to show all my relatives, who just assumed I was in the yard, drunk. LOL!

  4. Certainly an odd text. I wouldn’t fall asleep around for…at least for a while.

  5. Another good reason not to diet, you won’t fit in the wood chipper.


  6. mimijk says:

    Now SHE is a fun friend…but have her visit you at your house.

  7. Carol Ferenc says:

    Love that gal’s sense of humor! Definitely, time to re-watch Fargo.

Comments are closed.