The 80s: Through The Looking Glass

You know I love reality TV, but sometimes reality is even better than reality TV. I recently went to see an 80s tribute band, The Legwarmers, with some of my girlfriends. Let’s start with a few facts:

• Approximately 90% of the crowd had not yet been born in the 80s
• EVERYONE except for our group was dressed up in “80s garb”, most of which none of us ever, ever wore in the 80s or any other decade
• Nothing makes you look more like an ass than wearing acid-wash jeans with a neon green shirt while “smoking” an e-cigarette
• You can watch 16 Candles without sound and really not miss a thing, especially Molly Ringwald’s pout

So yeah, there’s all that. One guy was dressed in a Super Mario Brothers costume, clearly a better idea for Halloween than a night on the town in March. And while I’m thrilled that Virginia finally banned smoking in almost all indoor places, the e-cigarettes are pretentious, obnoxious, and annoying. That is not my opinion, by the way; that is a fact.

Now, enter on the scene two young-ish couples. One of the couples begin making out and soon look like they really, really need to get a room before the rest of us get any more nauseous. But wait, the kissy-face guy goes off for a drink or restroom or condom or something and now Ms. Kissy-Face is getting mighty friendly with the gentleman who was recently part of the other couple. There is a lot of touching, hair flicking, giggling and other antics. So we’re wondering, what happens when Mr. K-F returns?

Well, at first everyone seems fine. But then Mr. K-F, in a blatant attempt to make Ms. K-F jealous, perches on the arm of my friend’s seat and introduces himself. His name? Oh, you’re going to love this. His name is of course, Fernando. I shouldn’t admit this but despite the fact that I was really enjoying the band, I was kind of hoping they would keep it down a bit so I could hear the load of crap that our new friend Fernando was piling on my girlfriend. Anyway, that’s how it went all night; Mr. and Ms. K-F making out and then Mr. K-F would vanish and Emergency Back-Up Kissy-Face would step right in. Hey, I don’t judge…I just point, stare, laugh, and make fun of them in a stage whisper.

And as if all that wasn’t riveting enough, a fight broke out! But not just any fight; a girl fight. And not just any girl fight; a girl fight between two girls wearing Madonna get-ups. We’re talking fingerless gloves, mini-skirts and leggings, bare midriffs, the whole nine yards.

The bottom line is that security came rather quickly and cleared out both girls and all their friends, leaving a nice open spot and finally a cool breeze in the hot and crowded venue.

But wait! There’s more! When I was finally able to divert my attention back down to the stage, I noticed there was suddenly another female singer. Odd, and she was about a foot shorter than the microphone. Yep, I got all distracted wondering 1) why did this singer just now join them, when they’re well into their 2^nd set and 2) why the hell didn’t someone adjust her microphone? As it was she was jumping up and down maniacally in what I thought was a valiant effort. But that’s when security rushed the stage and dragged the “singer” off into the sunset. Apparently that was a very impromptu “performance” by a rabid fan.

So The Legwarmers put on a great show. And so did the audience. I guess it was a little bit like watching the news with other news crawling along the top and bottom of the screen. It was a lot to keep up with, but really great reality TV without the TV. See? I get out once in a while, but the scenery really doesn’t change much…