Universal Musings

I can’t resist adding one more observation about yesterday’s big game; Paul McCartney. Yes, Sir Paul was in the stands and when the camera cut away to him he was eating a big old NY slice, folded over NY style. And I got to thinking, does he have a fetcher or something who goes and gets his pizza? Because it’s a lot of fun to think about the slack-jawed concession worker who looks up and finds no one less than a former Beatle ordering one pepperoni, one plain*.

I know, he was probably in a suite with fancy gourmet pizza or something, but you have to admit that it’s (greasy) food for thought.

*That is speculation on my part. I could not see the toppings on Paul’s (we’re on a first name basis in my head) slice. In fact, he may have had white pizza. I really can’t say. Speculation for comedic purposes only.

Well, the Superbowl proved to be a great time for Seattle, but overall a really boring game. Of course, it’s not just about the game, it’s about the commercials too. There were definitely some good ones; I’m partial to the Doberhuahua, myself. But do you remember what product they were advertising? Me either. And I liked the commercial about car engineers getting their wings, but I can’t tell you what kind of car they were advertising. So even if a commercial is cute or funny or memorable, if you don’t associate it with the product, it’s an Epic Fail. I liked the Chobani Yogurt bear commercial, and the Doritos time machine commercial, and obviously I remember what they were trying to advertise. Pepsi sponsored the halftime show; I still love the Red Hot Chili Peppers but I drink Diet Coke and have no plans to switch, so, not sure what they accomplished.

I take personal umbrage at Led Zeppelin selling out to Cadillac, and I think Bob Dylan shilling for Chrysler must certainly indicate the coming of the apocalypse. I’m OK with Stephen Colbert hawking pistachios because, well, the whole thing was kind of cool and quirky, just like Colbert. Overall I didn’t see anything as impressive as the good old days; the 1984 scene when Apple introduced the first Mac for example, or when something called Monster.com appeared on the Interwebs.

Commercials of course tell us a lot about the demographics of the viewing audience. Judging by the Superbowl ads, football fans drink a lot of beer and eat a lot of junk food (duuh), drive super-expensive cars, and desperately want out of their long-term commitment with their mobile service provider. I’m not sure how they’d pin me down; I don’t drink, I could care less what I drive as long as it’s safe and reliable, and my mobile service is whatever I can get really cheap. I mean, I’m still using a Blackberry folks; my needs are not great in that arena.

I don’t seem to fit in to most demographics for the shows I watch (and it bears repeating that I watch an inordinate amount of television). The closest demographic for me seems to be the Logo Channel (that’s the, uh, well, gay network, I guess). First off, the Logo Channel has reruns of all my favorites: Will and Grace, The Golden Girls, Roseanne, Living Single; and new extravaganzas like RuPaul’s Drag Race. Logo makes Bravo seem downright heterosexual. And my unscientific but heartfelt research indicates that two out of every three commercials on Logo are for cat litter. I believe the rest is an eclectic mix of Franzia wine, designer eyeglasses, and Williams Sonoma. I mean, not to totally stereotype or anything. As a gay man trapped in the body of a straight woman, I feel like I’m on solid ground when I discuss these matters.

In “researching” this post, I was reminded of another of my favorite ads, the reason for which will be immediately apparent when you click below. Enjoy!

Apparently, yes. The annual Polar Bear Plunge into the Chesapeake Bay was canceled last weekend because…wait for it…it was too cold. Too frackin’ cold for a Polar Bear Plunge. It’s unfortunate that the real Polar Bears are swimming around looking for ice floes because way way up north has been warming for years, but meanwhile the shores of the Chesapeake Bay are too frigid. My idea of bringing the Polar Bears down here has been shot down as impractical. But you have to admit it would be pretty amazing if we could just ship them down here.

What I also find interesting about this Polar Vortex record-breaking cold winter is that we are apparently rather fragile animals. So the Doomsday Preppers, the people with a 3 year supply of water and dehydrated food, assault weapons, gas masks, and massive amounts of anti-chemical warfare stuff; did they remember to put away some thermal underwear? Parkas? Hand warmers? What about the Holy Trinity of Weather: bread, milk and toilet paper?

For all we know, Doomsday is coming but we will be so preoccupied with The Weather we will miss it! I mean, even on a slow news day it’s difficult for the talking heads to talk about anything but The Weather. Talking about the weather used to be a small talk cliché; “is it cold enough for you?” Now, we’re all riveted to The Polar Vortex Weather Desk 24/7 and trying to grasp the enormity of this Dangerous Weather.

Meteorologists have waited their whole lives for this; their big moment. This will surely be the case study future generations of meteorologists will obsess over. To them, I say congratulations! To everyone else; is it cold enough for you?