Let’s Not Call It A Bucket List

You should check out my fellow blogger over at Retirementally Challenged, who recently blogged a sort of bucket/life inventory list along with her answers. I don’t like the whole bucket list thing because I don’t like the bucket. I mean, I know it’s going to happen one day but no reason to dwell. Still, I figured my readers must also be desperately curious to hear more about my life. Because you know, there’s always so much more to tell about the endlessly interesting topic of me. So, to satisfy your curiosity; if you’ve wondered if I’ve ever…
Gone on a blind date? If I did I don’t remember, which could very well be a reflection on the date
Skipped school? Obviously, as is detailed in my Permanent Record
Visited Canada? A few times until they were all “you can’t do that in our country” and “you’re now on our Do Not Admit list” A couple practical jokes with a moose and everyone is freaking out
Visited Hawaii? Twice, and for some reason ate lunch at a Chuck E. Cheese in Oahu, which is far more interesting, yes? Encourage me just a little and I’ll tell you the whole story

Yep. Andre and I had just been snorkeling and somehow ended up having lunch at Chuck E. Cheese. Long story.

Visited Cuba? I’ve been to the southern tip of Florida and could see Cuba from someone’s yard; close enough
Visited Europe? Yes, although sometimes under an assumed name. See Canada above.
Visited South America? No but I’m thinking it might be a good place for safe harbor…you know, if I ever need something like that
Visited Las Vegas? A few times, mostly for the rides and huge M&M store. Do people go for other reasons?
Visited Central America? My emergency back-up safe harbor if South America doesn’t work out for me
Visited Asia? My 2^nd emergency back-up safe harbor, in the event neither South America nor Central America are willing or able to serve
Visited Africa? Technically, yes, went to Morocco, but I did not care for the boat ride through the Strait of Gibraltar. Rough sailing. Also, there was a giant rock in the water, which seemed dangerous.
Visited Florida? As stated above, I’ve been to Southern Florida/Cuba
Visited Mexico? Not physically, but I am very, very familiar with some of their plant life
Seen the Grand Canyon in person? Kind of. Flew down into it in a helicopter. Not only was it way cool, it had the added benefit of scaring the sh*t out of my mom
Flown in a helicopter? Pay attention! Grand Canyon
Served on a jury? Yes, on the most boring kind of trial; a medical malpractice case. I was elected foreman. Yes, truly, and when we had one stubborn hold-out I negotiated us out of the damn jury room and into a verdict. And when I did, one gentleman on the jury gave me a great big kiss on my forehead and said I was the best foreman ever. So there.

Been lost? Is this a trick question? Do you want to know on an hourly basis, daily, weekly? Lifetime achievement award?
Traveled to the opposite side of the country? Any number of times, typically on an overcrowded flight sitting next to a screaming baby. And one really memorable red-eye with an entire plane full of adolescents returning from a field trip. I think I blogged about it…search for “dead teenagers” or “I was acquitted”
Shot a gun? Does a staple gun count? I mean I was very aggressively stapling
Swam in the ocean? Many times, including the incident in Hawaii when I was on a dolphin expedition and slid out of the dinghy somewhere I wasn’t supposed to and started snorkeling around. Apparently I’m not good with “listening ears” and “following explicit instructions” but it’s hard to hear stuff when you’re swimming around with your head in the water

So note that after my unfortunate miscue I was required to stay in the center of the boat. Mahalo

Cried yourself to sleep? Sure, typically after a three part Real Housewives Reunion
Played cops and robbers? Pretend, or real life?
Sang karaoke? OK, this is really dependent on your definition of “singing” Let’s just say I caterwauled
Paid for a meal with coins only? See this is a silly question. Now, ask me if I ever pulled the old dine and dash in high school, and I would have to say…I can’t discuss it
Made prank phone calls? Many, many times since I had a childhood that wasn’t fraught with things like caller ID and *69. The struggle is real.
Laughed until some beverage came out of your nose? You’re kidding right? Do you want me to list the beverages alphabetically or try to recall chronological order?
Had a kid? Anyone out there who thinks it would have been a good idea for me to reproduce? Hello? Anyone?
Had a pet? Well duh, if for no other reason than to give them funny names.
Been skinny-dipping? This is another trick question. Have I swum nude? Quite possibly. Was I skinny? Umm, doubtful
Been fishing? Ewwwww
Been downhill skiing? Oh yes. More than 10 years ago and the ski instructor is still in therapy

Yep, I lived through a chair lift excursion and got down the mountain on skis. Twice.

Been water skiing? Let’s just say that skis were strapped to my feet and the boat took off. What happened after that is the subject of quite some controversy. And a lawsuit.
Been camping in a trailer/RV? When I first met Dan and was trying to convince him we were compatible I went camping with him in his van. Neither of us cares to discuss it at this time.
Been camping in a tent? What do you think?
Been bungee-jumping? Not yet, but many people have really encouraged me to do this, and assured me they would double check the bungee cord.
Gone to a drive-in movie? When I was a little kid I got to go in my pajamas. Yes, of course I was adorable. Duh.
Done something that could have killed you? No doubt, but nothing I can discuss on a blog that my mom reads.
Done something that you will regret for the rest of your life? Yes. The time I skipped a really good dessert when “dieting”
Rode a camel? I was just about to, but it didn’t like the looks of me and ran away
Eaten just cookies or cake or ice cream for dinner? 2-3 nights a week, fairly consistently
Been on TV? No, but not for lack of trying! I’m still up for that if anyone has the inclination
Stolen any traffic signs? I will let you know once I look up the statute of limitations on that kind of thing
Been in the hospital in past 24 months? If you don’t know the answer to this, you’ve clearly not been paying attention
Driven a manual transmission vehicle? Yes, after three different people tried to teach me, one finally got through. It was not pretty.
Been divorced? No, but Dan does introduce me as his “first wife”
Written a popular blog? No, but I persist anyway. I’m not a quitter

OK, I’ve done my part. Who’s next?