From Red Velvet Ropes To Red Velvet Cupcakes

I never, ever go to the movies. It’s just not my thing. Maybe I don’t have the attention span; with TIVO I have trained myself to watch 42 minutes straight (a one hour show, fast forwarding through commercials) before I really have to take a break or I fall asleep. But through a confluence of circumstances, I have now gone to the movies two weekends in a row. I need someone to invite me to a cocktail party ASAP because I finally have something current to chat about.

Before last weekend, I think it had probably been 10 years since I last saw a movie. But I was persuaded by the prospect of an evening out with two of my girlfriends. We saw The Butler. I thought it was great. I’m a sap so I cried a lot and don’t think I didn’t hear about that. Let’s be honest, some days I cry at the nostalgia of a Carvel Ice Cream Fudgie The Whale commercial, so clearly I’m going to be moved by semi-historical drama.

It was last weekend that I also learned about reserved seats at movie theaters. Last I checked, airlines were giving up reserved seating, but now it’s being implemented in some movie theaters? I guess it’s good for reducing anxiety, but I need a little time to warm up to the concept. The theater we went to is also part of a new breed, I guess, of upscale theaters. Gourmet food, fresh baked goods, a wine list…WTF? Plus, roomy, comfy seats. I was dumbfounded. When did going to the movies become so civilized?

This past weekend I ended up going to the same cinema with another girlfriend and we saw the new Woody Allen movie, Blue Jasmine. On the bright side, I didn’t cry at all, nor did I fall asleep. And because I had just been to the theater the weekend before, I was able to show my friend the ropes of choosing seats and drooling over cupcakes at the concession stand (she was a quick study!). We bought our tickets, chose our seats, and headed out to dinner.

When it was time to come back and settle in for the movie, we went directly to our seats, H1 and H2, but they were already occupied. We double checked, yep, it was row H, seats 1 and 2 alright. The couple in our seats pulled out their tickets and showed us that theirs also said H1 and H2. The problem is, as you may recall, I can’t see anything anymore without pulling out my reading glasses, so I just nodded and acted like I could see what they said. For all I know the piece of paper said “Hi, I’m an axe murderer!” It doesn’t matter because I nodded and smiled politely.

Fortunately the theater wasn’t full, so my friend and I went and sat in another section, holding our breath that we weren’t in someone else’s seats. We were both a little bent out of shape though. As my friend pointed out, the guy in her seat wasn’t much of a gentleman; why didn’t he offer to move? I noted that I am familiar with these kind of idiots, and their tickets were probably for the earlier showing or a different movie or something. I was outraged. Self-righteous. Indignant. That’s when my friend took another look at our tickets and noticed they said 6:00pm. But, we were in the 8:15pm showing. Ooops.

So all’s well that ends well. The movie was pretty good, and so were the cupcakes. If my pattern continues, the next time I see a movie should be around 2023.