Am I a magnet for weird people? Answer that question carefully. I was just eating lunch, that’s all. Lots of people do that right? I was minding my own business-hovered over my laptop and not even looking up. A gentleman walks right up to me and says “Where’s Lost Dog?” and after a moment it dawns on me that I’m wearing a Lost Dog Café t-shirt. I told him there were several in the area, gave him the location of the closest and mentioned that their food is great. I then went back to my laptop, but the gentleman wasn’t going anywhere. “I’ve got six. Six dogs.”
And here is where I made my fatal mistake. I know better than to engage but he hit my sweet spot and before I knew it I was telling him I had four cats. “My six are all dachshunds. You know that kind of dog?” I nodded yes but in a very non-committal way. No dice. He was determined to continue to talk to me, and I would have been fine with that if he hadn’t started telling me a lively story about his dogs and the cats that foolishly wander into his yard. I knew where this was headed and I tried immediately to stop him.
Prince Charming continued to tell me the story, leading up to the dramatic moment, and I begged him to stop. He looked at my face and finally realized how upset I was, so he patted me on the arm and assured me the cat got away. OK, first of all, no touching. Secondly, why am I having an inane conversation with a stranger? I can have inane conversations with my loved ones if I’m in the mood for that kind of thing.
I finally told him I was on a tight deadline and really needed to get back to work. He patted me on the arm again, and the one time I’ve ever been grateful for a cell phone—his phone started ringing. He excused himself to take an important call. He looked at me with the can you excuse me look, and I gratefully waved him on and he left the restaurant.
If you stayed awake while reading this it might cross your mind that I actually have my own little space at the Writers’ Room in Tenleytown. I worked there quite peacefully for 1 hour and 58 minutes on a 2 hour metered space. Absolutely nowhere to move the car. It was lunchtime so I drove back down to Arlington and ate at a restaurant that has a good old free parking lot.
I have learned one thing. The next time I feel weirdness approaching, I no speaka the English.
I’m not sure if I should feel flattered or cursed. I guess when you and I hang together we could collect quite the menagerie.
Oh Jill, you can pretend to cop to ESL, but you know as well as I that it won’t stop any one from coming up to you. I think it’s a pheromone thing. It’s sort of like the constituency of homeless, senior men who have found me attractive since I was a teenager. I would send my cohort group running and howling at the moon, but these guys have been my peeps all along. And you? Your smile, your ‘aura’ (it’s pheromones, I’m telling you) – they will find you whether you shrug you shoulders, cross your eyes, or respond in Latin. It won’t make a difference..;-)