A Night To Remember

What a night!  We arrived way too early because we intended to get a bite to eat before the show (of course I intend to get a bite to eat before and after anything I do) but it was freezing outside and snowing/sleeting and after walking just a block or two we decided we should just get inside.  I can assure you that our decision did not have anything to do with me whining about how my hair was getting ruined or blaming Dan for the weather or anything like that.  I’ll just say that my hair was getting ruined and Dan could have been more thoughtful about the weather.

When we walked into the venue we saw a balcony area that looked like it might be a café, so we went upstairs.  It wasn’t a café but I’m glad we went up there, because we met the woman who works for Sandra, Elyce, and her friend whose name I should have written down right away, but I think is Shara or possibly Sharna?  They were both really lovely and funny and I mean that in a completely non-fawning sort of way.  They were also quite tolerant, because even though we sat around staring at them for an uncomfortable amount of time, and I wouldn’t stop yapping about my favorite topic, me me me, they didn’t call security or whatever.

Finally it was time for the main event, Ms. Sandra Bernhard herself.  What can I tell you that you don’t already know?  She is beautiful, hilariously funny, and a full on chanteuse.  She punctuated her amazing musical performance with her sardonic humor; or maybe she punctuated her sardonic humor with her musical performance, it’s hard to say.  It kind of doesn’t matter because she is just pure talent.  And I mean that in a completely non-fawning sort of way.

And for those of you worried about us not eating all evening, the venue served really good food so neither of us passed out or anything.  Perhaps if we thought about it…the name of the venue was Joe’s Pub after all…we might have caught on to the fact that we didn’t need to eat beforehand.  Bygones.  And not to obsess over the food or anything, they did serve incredible frites with malt vinegar mayo.  I felt like I was back in Amsterdam except there was no pot smoke wafting my way.  Maybe I was sitting in the wrong section…

As you may recall, last time we saw Aimee Mann at The Birchmere we got stuck sitting with 4 annoying lawyers.  At Joe’s we were sitting with a couple of very nice aspiring singers/songwriters/thespians.  I can tell you this; no one was rehashing oral arguments or Supreme Court decisions.  I love DC, but NY can be very refreshing in that sense.

Ok forget all that, I am digressing all over the place!  After the show Sandra hung out and signed CDs and DVDs and T-shirts and such, and that’s when I got to meet her.  She was incredibly gracious and warm and I’m pretty sure she is my new best friend.

Well, maybe only in my head, but that’s where I spend most of my time anyway.  At the very least I feel like we’re on a first name basis now; I can call her Sandra and she can call me generic annoying fan, although I do resent being called generic.  Either way I feel like we bonded, because although she of course called security on me, she put up with me for a few minutes first, and they didn’t rough me up or anything (which in many ways was disappointing).

And as if that wasn’t enough excitement, I got to meet and chat with Sandra’s friend and stylist, whose name I also should have written down, but I think it was Joey?

He was really nice and I mean that in a non-fawning sort of way.  I told him I loved seeing Sandra hanging with Andy Cohen on WWHL and he said they had a lot of fun together, and then listened to me as I babbled on about how I wish I was Andy Cohen and everything.  As we all know, I am a gay man trapped in the body of a straight woman (mom, please don’t freak out and overreact, I’m not getting the operation you heard about on 60 Minutes ) and I really, really really want a clubhouse filled with toys and celebs.

So that was it; after we overstayed our welcome by an uncomfortable length of time, we dashed back to the hotel, and came home this morning.  Don’t worry, I’ll be regaling you with more stories of our quick getaway, but now you’ve heard the most awesomest parts.

Many thanks to Sandra and her team for their gracious hospitality, and please remember that the more money you give to charity the less you pay to Uncle Sam.  Sandra donated our experience to a silent auction benefitting the True Colors Fund, and as her BFF, I know she wants everyone to give ‘til it hurts.

http://truecolorsfund.org/