Locked and Loaded

I was recently diagnosed with a mild case of sleep apnea. Sleep apnea can be dangerous in the sense that one stops breathing periodically while sleeping, but sometimes breathing is overrated. Like when you’re too sleepy to tell the difference.

But as usual some fussy doctor got after me about my need to breathe at all times, and subjected me to a sleep study. Luckily I was able to do the sleep study at home, but I had a  weird computer thing attached to my head all night. They make you wear this to bed and then wonder why you can’t get any sleep!

home-sleep-study

Sadly, it looked like I was going to have to wear one of those crazy mask things every night, but CJ, Dr. Smarty Pants, told me about a dental appliance that might be a good alternative for me. My other Dr. Smarty Pants (unrelated) approved said dental appliance and CJ made one for me. I guess I didn’t realize how the whole thing would come together until it was finally ready:

taptap1

So, the top tray locks into place with the bottom tray. My mouth is locked shut when I wear it. As if that wasn’t bad enough, it has a little key so that it can be adjusted just so for me. To recap, each night when I go to bed my mouth is locked shut, and Dan has the key. Go back and read that last sentence, and remember to congratulate Dan next time you see him. OK, technically I don’t need the key to unlock it, but what if I did? I’m not sure how locking my mouth shut helps me breathe better, but you know me, a cheerful disposition at all times. So I just grin and bear it. Well, I can’t grin with that damn thing in my mouth, so I begrudgingly bear it.

On the bright side, I may have stumbled on a truly revolutionary new diet plan.

Honestly, if I wasn’t so completely mentally stable, I might be a little paranoid about this whole thing.

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