Idiot Of The Week: HR Edition

OK, let’s try this Blog Hop again. I came in 2nd place last week (out of 2 entries) so please get your act together and Like this post early and often!

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As a former manager and human resources professional, I have a wealth of idiot stories to share. I could go on all day, but here are some of my personal favorites:

The Inappropriate Dresser: You come to work, at a law firm, wearing cut-offs, a tank top, and flip-flops, and then seem shocked when I call you in to my office and tell you to go home and change. You then look me in the eye and tell me that you didn’t know tank tops were a problem.

The Over-Tattler: You come to my office and breathlessly tell me that your co-worker took a 64 minute lunch, which you happen to know because you were of course returning from your 58 minute lunch, as a rule-follower. You always allow a two minute cushion, just in case.

The Under-Tattler: Your co-worker backs a truck up to the loading dock every week and fills it with office supplies. But hey, it’s none of your business, and no, you have no idea why we’re going through pens so quickly.

The Rule Lover: Frequently this is the same person as the over-tattler. You love rules. You want more of them. You want me to regulate every tiny detail of the workplace so you can catch people who are not in compliance. You were the one in my office asking me to send out an email telling people not to move someone else’s sandwich from one shelf in the fridge to another shelf. You also express a desire to implement capital punishment for anyone who takes the last paper towel and doesn’t replace the roll.

The Rule Challenger: You’re always in my office asking why. You: Why do we have a dress code? Me: Well, because this is a professional workplace, and clients might be in the office. You: But are there going to be clients in the office today? Me: Really? You’re really going to ask me that?

The Attendance is Optional: Yesterday, you were out because your sister stubbed her toe. The day before that you were out because your neighbor had a flat tire and you thought you should keep her company until AAA showed up. And just last week, your psychic predicted traffic would be bad, so you stayed home to avoid it. Yeah, you’ll try to make it in tomorrow, if nothing more interesting comes up.

The Bad Luck Magnet: It was a tough break that all seven of your grandparents died within a six month period. Then, just as you were working through the grief, your car blew up. Just when you got that squared away your child broke a limb and you were stuck in the ER. For four days. And even though we are in the middle of a record-breaking drought, your basement is flooded.

The Overworked: You work harder than anyone else in the entire company. Really, you are so busy you should probably have another assistant. You are so incredibly swamped that you sit in my office for 30 minutes every day telling me how bad it is.

The Underappreciated: Yes, I saw that you came to work on time three days in a row, but that still doesn’t qualify you for the “Above and Beyond” award. We will award you a paycheck every two weeks, however. Thanks for playing.

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4 Responses to Idiot Of The Week: HR Edition

  1. Laurie says:

    Phew….none of those are about me! (I was half-expecting a “The Candy-Stealer” story about how I used to come into your office and eat your M-n-M’s non-stop. Every day. For years. I think I owe you approximately 234.7 pounds of M-n-Ms.)

    • Jill Foer Hirsch says:

      That’s so funny-all these years of everyone eating candy from my office, and everyone feels like they’re the person who ate it the most. You join a distinguished cast of thousands! Newsflash-candy was my not-so-secret weapon to get people into my office.

  2. OMG! I think we worked at the same place. I was the “other” HR person!

    • Jill Foer Hirsch says:

      I think we missed a golden opportunity to work together, because we could have had so much fun. Throw Mimi into the mix, and we would be HRing with a vengeance!

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