Fighting Weight

A recent guest in our home looked at Mrs. Helen Roper sleeping on a chair and asked if she was pregnant. I was taken aback. I said no, she just looks f-a-t in that fur. Helen looked hurt for a minute or two, before dozing off again. That’s exactly what I did the last time someone congratulated me and asked me when I was due. I get it, OK, no more empire waists!


But poor Helen never gets a break. Dan got me a Fudgie the Whale cake for my birthday, and as we were admiring it he pointed out that it bore some resemblance to Helen, in its whale-like perspective. I covered her furry little ears so she wouldn’t get her feelings hurt.

Janet inspecting the cake for quality assurance

Janet inspecting the cake for quality assurance

We had little sugar replicas of our kitties on our anniversary cake, and I can’t tell you how many people remarked that the sugar Helen seemed slimmer than the real Helen. I can only be grateful that Helen wasn’t around to overhear any of those comments, and she doesn’t read this blog.

Helen, Jack, Janet, Chrissy

Helen, Jack, Janet, Chrissy

We hear a lot about bullying these days. Bullies at school, bullies at work. But what about cat bullies? I’m worried about Helen’s self-esteem and body image. She was so distraught about all this I was worried about a hunger strike, but thank goodness she did manage to waddle over to her food dish for a little sustenance.

I feel guilty about the whole thing because if we’re totally honest, Helen gets this from my side of the family. I mean, she and I are both…big-boned and we both retain a lot of water. Like gallons and gallons. To be totally honest, Janet has also put on a pound or two, and I noticed her fur is a little tight around the middle, but I think she still feels good about herself. I’m hoping no one says anything stupid in front of her and makes her feel self-conscious.

Dan, Jack and Chrissy maintain their svelte figures, but they try not to gloat. Can’t we all try to be a little kinder today?

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15 Responses to Fighting Weight

  1. Pam Waits says:

    Helen should ignore negative comments. She’s a beautiful cat – very photogenic. Perhaps Helen’s problem isn’t her size, maybe it’s the size of the other cats. Might you consider adopting a larger cat – for Helen? Either that or therapy – and treats, lots of treats.

    • Jill Foer Hirsch says:

      I love the idea! It’s all about perspective. I myself indulge in both therapy and treats, often at the same time. Oh no, did I make it about me again? I think I might project, just a tad, on Helen. I’d check with my therapist but it’s not polite to talk with my mouth full.

  2. Valerie says:

    I suggest Helen look at Latissimus Flap surgery followed by endless fills.. the bigger the boobs get, the smaller the stomach looks. It’s getting hard to know when to say when!!!

    • Jill Foer Hirsch says:

      Imagine if I had let them fill my armpit boob! my hips and “waist” would have looked tiny! On the other hand, expanders hurt and totally suck. 🙁 Sorry you’re still stuck with them.

  3. filbio says:

    Awww, that’s a cute cat! I love fudgie the whale cakes! Grew up in Long Island and always had Carvel cakes.

    • Jill Foer Hirsch says:

      Helen and I thank you for the compliment! And word to the wise, the Fudgie the Whale cake, while cute and nostalgic, actually tastes like cardboard. Bummer.

  4. Betsey says:

    Don’t tell the other cats, but I think Helen is the prettiest one of the bunch; she is my favorite. If Jack, Janet or Chrissy come up to me with this information I will deny it and say it was a quote from YOU.

  5. Judy deason says:

    Helen roper alway wore cafftains. Perhaps a cat cafftains for Helen?

  6. katecrimmins says:

    Reminds of my poor Hazel. Someone saw her sleeping on a chair and asked it was two cats intertwined. (Don’t fret, I gave Hazel an extra kibble so her feelings wouldn’t be hurt.) Right now the poor baby is on a diet. Four cats and only one on a diet. One is underweight and one is diabetic so this is a real interesting dinner time. I love that your kitties have people names. Makes more sense than Fluffy (except of course maybe for Helen)

    • Jill Foer Hirsch says:

      Extra kibble always soothes my frazzled nerves too Kate. I don’t know how you feed different cats different diets…we haven’t even attempted that. Obviously…

  7. mimijk says:

    I find Helen to be absolutely stunning and appreciate that she has more to love than her more slender sibs…

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