You’ve Got To Be Kidding Me

As I was pondering whether or not Sir Paul McCartney has someone whose job it is to fetch his pizza and whatnot, it occurred to me that I myself am seeking gainful employment. With a little bit of luck, maybe a celebrity has a Pizza Fetcher opening. To be honest, I’m not that picky; I’d happily consider a Coffee or Tea Fetcher job or even a broader role as Beverage Fetcher (I’m versatile).

But what if the Beverage Fetcher had to call in sick one day, and the celebrity needed a half-caff skim latté? No problemo. I’m even willing to accept a job as First Runner Up Beverage Fetcher, just to get my foot in the door and learn the ropes. I feel prepared to serve, literally, in the event the Primary Fetcher cannot.

I wondered how else one could make a living mooching off someone else’s fame and success. Personal Assistant, sure, but that’s so obvious. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks: Court Jester. Yes! Now we’re talking.

jester

I don’t have to be employed by actual royalty, of course. Anyone with a nice bank account and a high profile, who can’t just go out and see real comics without being recognized and swarmed by fans. Keep me in the style in which I would gladly become accustomed, and I promise no fewer than (on average of course) 4 laughs an hour. For a nice bonus I could bump that up to 6.

Of course I’m also open to the idea of working as an Institutional Jester; surely there are openings at hospitals, schools or even funeral homes. I have some killer funeral jokes. Wherever mediocre humor is needed, I will be there!

I don’t see any openings for Jesters in the want ads, so I’m going to place my own ad:

Now Available: Jester (court, celebrity or other; open to all ideas)

Amuses with pratfalls, bad puns; specializes in cancer, Judaism and the classic; lawyers. Plagiarizes from only the funniest, freshest comedians! See references from former employers:

“We told her every single day: stop clowning around! But Jill is no quitter. She persevered.”

“Jill did her best to keep our staff meetings lively, but we’re just too stuffy I guess. Eventually we simply stopped inviting her to meetings. She is not cut out for serious work!”

“We counseled Jill to find her happiness elsewhere. Maybe a farm where she can run free with the other oh-so-funny employees.”

“Be prepared to point and laugh like you never have before! One of a kind we hope; please, no more like her!”

I’m waiting by the phone!

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11 Responses to You’ve Got To Be Kidding Me

  1. Pam Waits says:

    Be sure to add all of this to your resume and LinkedIn profile. It will definitely make you stand out. We know employers only hire people they like, and who wouldn’t like a jester?

    • Jill Foer Hirsch says:

      I like it! Professional yet warm and friendly. Plus any prospective employer should know that they might be hiring a nut bag…

      • Pam Waits says:

        That works in your favor. Nut bag could be considered a perceived disability which is protected by the Americans with Disabilities Act. With any luck, they won’t hire you, you can sue based on illegal discrimination and go buy an island with your settlement.

  2. bethteliho says:

    haha you’re so funny. I love the referrals from past employers. :) I think you’ve got a really good idea here, Jill. Persevere!

  3. Lisa says:

    Ring a ling a ling…

  4. katecrimmins says:

    Perhaps you can work in the government. I understand they have a lot of jesters there.

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