WTF Wednesday: Why Must There Be Onion?

It is entirely possible that I will drop dead if I eat an onion. Well, that might be overstated. It is true though, that I will wish I was dead if I accidentally eat an onion of any kind, including shallots, scallions, chives. Raw or cooked, no bueno. I really, really hate onions.


You know what I do enjoy though? Tuna salad. I love a good tuna salad sandwich. A tuna melt. A scoop of tuna salad on top of an actual salad. Love. The problem of course, is what is in the tuna salad. Like sneaky onions. Some people put relish in tuna salad. I don’t love it, but I can live with it. Celery is harmless enough, I even appreciate the crunch it adds. Onion, though, is a huge problem.

Why? Why do people insist on putting onions in tuna salad? It makes my life complicated. I always have to have a back-up order. “I’ll have tuna on wheat UNLESS the tuna has onions. In that case I’ll have two scoops of chocolate ice cream for lunch instead.” Seriously, sometimes it comes to that, because although I eat fish I don’t eat any other kind of meat. So my deli options are limited. Egg salad, I guess, although I think we can all admit that the elephant in the room is that it just doesn’t have the pizazz and glamour of a tuna salad. And sometimes people put dill and other crap in egg salad, that I can tolerate, but I don’t love. If I’m going to eat, it should be food that I enjoy, right?


I know there are people who are not opposed to onions, and people who actually really enjoy onions. Good for you! I’m happy for you, really. But can’t you just add onions to your salad or sandwich? Does it have to be incorporated into the tuna salad, ruining it for my delicate palate? I love tomatoes, but you don’t see those in tuna salad. I simply add them on. It works out fine, I promise.

Yes, this is the very definition of a first world problem. Beyond in fact. Starving children and all that. But this is my blog and I routinely use it to whine about inconsequential crap, and to lament the fact that the world doesn’t always revolve around me, so this is no different. In conclusion: tuna good. Onions bad. Make it stop.

Thank you for your support.

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