I don’t think I told you guys yet, but my niece Aubrey is getting married! We are thrilled that she has chosen an awesome groom with a bonus, his son, who happens to be the sweetest little boy ever. I am thrilled about another thing too; being a smart young woman, Aubrey has also chosen a fall wedding date. I myself chose a fall wedding date because that is the best season for my hair. Some people have spirit animals…I have a hair season. I also happen to think it’s the prettiest time of the year.
Some people really love spring. Many people. Not me though. Because spring means one thing: summer is coming. Sticky, icky, hot sweaty summer. Yuck. Summer is definitely not my hair season. And I’m not saying everything revolves around my hair, I’m just saying; OK I guess that is exactly what I’m saying. So, fall.
My sister-in-law Lisa just found a dress for the wedding. Actually she found two dresses. She’s contemplating keeping both of them and holding one in reserve for when one of my nephews gets married. I pointed out that the dress is for a formal, evening wedding. What if Craig or Sean end up having a wedding that’s…OMG. That’s when it hit me. At any point in time one of the boys could decide to have a wedding outside, in the summer. I mean, Aubrey has made an excellent choice but we are nowhere near out of the woods yet here people.
CJ and Lisa did exactly that, like 30 years ago, and I’m still pouting about it. They got married in the middle of the day, at the end of July, outside. It really doesn’t get any worse than that. I know that day wasn’t about me, specifically, but the fact is my hair was the size of a watermelon. It was a full on Hair Situation. My make-up was melting off my face. I was sweating in places I didn’t know one could sweat. I could barely focus on welcoming Lisa into the family as I was sitting there wondering what kind of horrific woman does this to people she supposedly loves?
My wish for Craig and Sean is this: I hope you fall in love. I hope you each find the woman of your dreams, and seal the deal by marrying her. But under no circumstances should this woman have a hankering for an outdoor wedding, in the summer. If she does, she can’t possibly be right for you. Because I have hair to think about, and your mother has a dress ready to go, for a formal evening wedding.
So boys, fall in love with a sensible girl who knows the right way to get married. Someone who isn’t going to yammer on about flowers being in bloom and wearing daisies in her hair and all that crap. We’re counting on you.