Sights And Sounds: WTF?

Have I mentioned before that I hate shopping? Don’t get me wrong, I like to acquire things, particularly adorable shoes that I totally don’t need, but I do that over the internet. Online shopping is the best thing that ever happened to me! I know I’ve mentioned how much I dislike the outdoors. Nonetheless, on rare occasions I allow myself to be persuaded to either shop, go outdoors, or both. Last weekend Dan and I decided to walk around National Harbor, a relatively new addition to the DC metro area, on the banks of the Potomac.

Oh, the things we saw! So much blog fodder, so little time. I could no doubt get lots of mileage out of the number of inappropriately dressed people whose images are permanently burned into my brain. I think, for example, that halter tops should come with a legal requirement: I, the Purchaser, testify that I am 29 years old or younger. I further testify that I do not have rolls of fat that will be exposed by wearing a halter top. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to pick on anyone. As I have frequently mentioned I myself am, you know, big boned. However (!), you wouldn’t see me running around in a halter top. First of all because I don’t run. Second, I definitely don’t wear halter tops. But I’m way too polite to opine on others’ appearance.

But there was so much more! Did you know that there is a store that sells nothing but cups? Seriously, that’s their entire inventory. Insulated cups. When we poked our heads in I was sort of incredulous and asked the overly-perky (in my opinion) sales clerk if they really only sold cups, she said “Yes. But not just any cups. Indestructible cups! Cups that keep hot beverages hot, and cold beverages cold.”

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At that point I was compelled to ask what would happen if I took the supposedly indestructible cup and ran it over with my car. Theoretically, if that destroyed the cup, would I be entitled to a refund? I wouldn’t say that I was thrown out of the store, but, after my question it became rather tense. I took that opportunity to make Dan snap a photo while I dashed.

And just a few doors down, Build-A-Bear! I love that place and when my niece and nephews were little I had an excuse to go in there. But now, it’s an absolute racket. It’s not just about building a simple teddy bear any more. You can build bears, sure, but you can also build My Little Pony and Hello Kitty and unicorns and bunny rabbits and jackalopes.

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But in case that leaves any excess money in your pocket, you can also buy any number of outfits and accessories for your new friend. This includes shoes and even roller skates.

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Not to be self-righteous, but all this while children around the world go to bed hungry and even worse, there are cute shoes in my size sitting around in a warehouse somewhere gathering dust because I’m not spending money on them. Such a waste.

Having met our needs for impervious cups and overdressed stuffed animals we were ready for a snack. Thank goodness, the Peeps Store was right across the way. Yep, they sell Peeps. Lots of them judging by the line at the cash register. I honestly thought Peeps were for decoration and/or to build funny dioramas to win the Washington Post annual contest, but people actually eat them!

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I figured I could just go home and eat a pillow soaked in corn syrup instead, but it was clear that my stuffed jackalope-on-skates needed just one more accessory; a little basket of miniature Peeps.

Now, for a little entertainment. We went to check out the Capital Wheel, the latest addition to National Harbor. I was expecting something like the London Eye but was sorely disappointed. This wheel is much smaller and less impressive.

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I can’t really tell you about the ride because they were asking $15 each for me, Dan, and the jackalope, and we can’t just blow $45 on something that frivolous.

The bottom line is National Harbor is a wholesome child-friendly kind of a place that’s perfect for the whole family. That’s why they’re getting ready to put in a huge casino. And also, there’s this, which frankly some of the children seemed to have questions about. I have no answers, except to say that he would not look good in a halter top.

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35 Responses to Sights And Sounds: WTF?

  1. Hi Jill, I’m visiting from Susie’s party. Love the post and how it highlights the ridiculousness of our consumer society. A store full of Peeps is my son’s dream, but even he can only eat a handful without feeling sick. I am going to be in the DC metro area for a fall conference, so perhaps we will get over to explore National Harper to check out the naked guy for ourselves. A fun read!

  2. barbtaub says:

    I came over from Susie’s party and so glad I did. This is a fabulous photo documentary and I’m dying to see all of it. Well, maybe not the fat old tortise-riding fart with his family jewels hanging out. I think he might need this http://goo.gl/r1eeuU

    • Oh my. That is quite the family jewel case. Two things: first, I think someone needs a mankini wax. Second, I would love to have as a regular visitor, but I vow to never again click on one of your links until I’ve eaten breakfast, because, that’s a lot to take in on an empty stomach. Although, could have been worse if I’d already eaten…

      I hope you come back to visit and I will check out your blog and hopefully (fingers crossed) leave a really inappropriate link! Yay!!

  3. susielindau says:

    Priceless! It looks like a great time!
    I haven’t witnessed any nasty halter tops, but I’m sure they will be lurking this summer!
    Thanks for bringing this to the party! Have fun clicking on links. Tell them, “Susie sent me,” and they should click back to your place. Don’t forget to dance!

  4. Austin says:

    Great post! Susie sent me. I think I’ll look around a little. 🙂

    • Jill Foer Hirsch says:

      Hope you like it! Just checked out your latest post and snorted diet Dr. Pepper through my nose. No, not pleasant, but worth it, net net. 🙂

  5. Rebekah says:

    You are so funny. Well written. I just kept laughing.

  6. vgfoster says:

    I was there last June…saw the statue and got a picture! Come to Fort Worth – we’ll go shoe shopping 🙂

    • Jill Foer Hirsch says:

      We both have an eye for the absurd. Did you know that Fort Worth is in Texas? That’s one reason I can’t visit. But…for you…and shoe shopping…I guess I could make an exception!

      • vgfoster says:

        What do you have against Texas? Is it the heat…cause that goes away in February… If it’s the crazy, right-wing radicals, they’re mostly kept hidden away in the small towns.

        • Jill Foer Hirsch says:

          I guess it’s the combination of crazy right-wingers, the oppressive heat, and the fact that I can’t line dance and don’t look good in cowboy boots (not like you!). But, admittedly, all that holds true here in DC too…

          I hear that Austin is cool and staying weird!

  7. A casino? I’m so there! Drinking a beer out of my indestructable cup playing blackjack and eating Peeps!

  8. Pam Waits says:

    Great post! I’ve never liked Peeps until I saw the annual peep photo contest. I am SO going to prepare for next year!

    • Jill Foer Hirsch says:

      Thanks! Yes, the annual contest is amazing; people come up with some very creative Peeps applications!

  9. Deb Reese says:

    So loved this blog posting Jill! Thank you so much for the laugh 🙂 Too bad I wasn’t with you, because we would’ve purchased an ugly ass halter for the fat, ballzy dude on the turtle and he’d be rockin’ it!

    • Jill Foer Hirsch says:

      Oh Deb, it has been way too long! I could have gotten into lots of good mischief with you. Next time!!

  10. Lisa foer says:

    Your brother has 3 insulated beverage cups which he uses religiously. I have not seen him love anything that much since the Sassy and the Wiggles.

    • Jill Foer Hirsch says:

      Thank you for highlighting his shallow obsessions. Also, has he tried running them over to see if they’re really indestructible?

  11. mimijk says:

    You are brilliant…and I believe that spandex is a privilege not a birthright – much like halter tops…I think an excess supply of shoes far outweighs cups, peeps and dresses for teddy bears in importance..

    • Jill Foer Hirsch says:

      Thank you for highlighting the Spandex Crisis that so frequently goes hand-in-hand with The Halter Top Fiasco. And for encouraging my shoe addiction…

    • Jill Foer Hirsch says:

      Exactly! The turtle should be relocated to your pond. Just for fun I’ll say it again: Frog Porn.

  12. jjlhicks says:

    OK – you got me with the fat naked guy statue; WTH?

  13. Laurie says:

    WTF is right? Who the hell decided that it was a good idea to create a statue of a fat naked guy – balls and all – riding a tortoise? And who, pray tell, thought said statue should be displayed in public? YIKES!
    Really, a whole store of Peeps?
    It is all bizarre.
    Can’t wait to go once I move up there. 🙂

    • Jill Foer Hirsch says:

      I don’t know, and it’s right outside a really bad Italian restaurant, which in and of itself is inexcusable. Can’t wait for you to move back-time for a field trip!

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