On the days I really miss working, I try to remind myself of the upside. Like right now I could be stuck in a meeting. Meetings suck. They just do. They sometimes seem like a good idea at first, so that people can communicate and exchange ideas or whatever, but it never plays out like that. It’s because everyone has a regular personality, and then a meeting personality. These are just a few of the types I’ve observed:
Urgent!: Everything we are discussing is of vital importance. We must make a decision now or the world may well implode. We have a grave mission and it must be carried out immediately!
Devil’s Advocate: I will poke holes in everything you say, question your motives and generally object to everything all the time. I will say that it’s not me, I’m just playing devil’s advocate. That way I can say whatever the hell rude thing I want and then throw my hands up in mock innocence if you glare at me.
Over It: Nothing we are discussing means anything, in the grand scheme of things. No one is going to listen to us anyway, and the whole idea was dumb to begin with.
Free Floating Annoyance: Seriously? Again? Why do we have to keep talking about this? Also, what’s up with the coffee? And these chairs are itchy.
Passive Aggressive: I will sit here quietly, nod a lot and take a few notes, but as soon as we leave this meeting I’m going to go make seemingly innocent statements to the exact people who will then sabotage your entire project. You’re welcome.
Been There, Done That: Seen it all before. Tried it all before. Never works, never will work, and don’t think we hadn’t already thought of that junior. Now take your enthusiasm and run back to your office. We’re done here.
Vapid: I got this job because of my dad’s friend or whatever. I have no idea what we’re talking about here, but I have a lunch date so let’s wrap it up. I’m bored. Oh look! Something shiny!
Food Follower: I wasn’t even invited to this meeting, but I heard there would be food so I decided I have something to do with whatever you guys are discussing. And now that I’m here I’m going to take up your time with irrelevant bullshit to make it seem like I belong here.
I know there are many more. Who am I forgetting?