Please Sir, May I Have Some More?

We narrowly averted tragedy here this week. I came downstairs one morning and found, well it’s still hard to talk about…I found an empty cat food bowl. Empty. I realized that Janet was listless and nearly passed out from starvation.


Helen was already comatose from lack of food. Upon further investigation I discovered it may have been as much as 3 hours since there had been any cat food out. That’s 3 days in Cat Hunger Time. Fortunately I discovered the problem right before Chrissy was dialing KPS (Kitty Protective Services) to report us.

Our kitties are accustomed to an “open feeding” lifestyle. That is, we always have bowls of dry food out and they can nibble when they get hungry. Then once a day they all split a can of wet food. As far as I can tell, this is the highlight of their day, which I understand because sometimes a Snickers bar is the highlight of my day. They get so excited about their wet food that Dan has to lock himself in the bathroom to scoop the food out onto a plate without getting attacked. The cats have become quite orderly and patient as they sit outside the door crying, wondering where their next wet meal is coming from.


On very rare occasions, the cats eat all the dry food in the bowl while we are sleeping. On rare occasion being twice in two and a half years. Through my careful study of pop psychology I have learned of a concept called “projection.” That is when one person ascribes their own thoughts or feelings to another person…or animal…or lampshade, although I leave that last one for the experts.

It could be said that I project my food issues on to my cats. It could and it has been said, in fact, by someone who then spent a week sleeping in the guest room. This is how Dan acquires better judgment. Trust me, he will never travel down that particular path again.

When I get upset about the cats going for hours on end without food, it has nothing to do with me, it’s all about my compassion for them. So when I found the empty food bowl I did not do a dramatic re-enactment of the first scene from Oliver. I didn’t go off into a tizzy and eat an entire pint of Ben & Jerry’s in one sitting! Gawd no. I ate it slowly, one tablespoon at a time, in 15 immediately consecutive sittings.

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19 Responses to Please Sir, May I Have Some More?

  1. The Regular Guy NYC says:

    Just be careful. The cats will start plotting against you. Especially if they are starving after three hours. Sleep with one eye open.

  2. Abbe says:

    This is a totally unrelated comment although I did enjoy this post
    – are those bamboo floors?

  3. Pam Waits says:

    Have you ever considered therapy? I mean for the cats. Three hours of food deprivation can induce long-lasting post traumatic feline stress disorder (PTFSD). You may have no idea the horrors you’ve unleashed. Poor little, cute, orderly, konga-line-like kitties! (Your cats are adorable!)

    • I work with them a lot on feeling and expressing their authentic feelings, so hopefully a little therapy goes a long way. They certainly look orderly in this picture, but they are usually all over the place!

  4. Thank you for the giggle…you are so cute! 🙂

  5. Judyland says:

    You do make me laugh

  6. mimijk says:

    I am impressed with their prescience – they know exactly how to invoke guilt!! Fur-kids without food?? This is a shondah!!

  7. katecrimmins says:

    You split up one measly little can of wet food? We divvy up 2 big ones and a Fancy Feast and that’s just for dinner. There would be a mutiny here if we cut back. Or then again, maybe I can get a pint of B&J pistachio ice cream.

    • Jill Foer Hirsch says:

      This is the first batch of cats we’ve ever had on wet food; vet said they need the extra moisture. And with the exception of Chrissy, the cats are all very, umm, healthy sized.

  8. betsey says:

    The wet food conga line is a riot!

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