My Equal Employment Opportunity

An email from the EEOC popped up in my inbox. Apparently, I applied for a job at a company they are now investigating for age discrimination. The company is one of those places likely to have new age open seating design and 20 somethings running around coming up with clever new uses for their app.

hip

At my age, I am just barely cool enough to even use the word “app.” From what I surmise/pieced together/assumed, they were hiring based on a concept of who would fit in with 20 somethings. And that is certainly not me. To be honest, I myself was thinking that when I applied for the job, but then I reminded myself that I am hip, cool, down with the youth. Totally down. Sure, I’m used to having an office with a door, but given the chance I would no doubt adapt to working in a shared hive. No. Doubt.

The EEOC email contained a link to a survey that asked me about my experience applying for a job and interviewing. I never got called for an interview. At the time I thought nothing of it because dozens of places never called me for an interview. I’m used to rejection. When I was looking for a job I was competing with a gazillion other highly educated Washingtonians with impeccable resumes. That’s just how it goes. But now, this investigation has me rethinking. I take umbrage at the fact that I may have been discriminated against! Five minutes into the survey, I am convinced that although I can’t even remember what the job was, I was eminently qualified for the job; in fact I was the most qualified person for that job ever, and I have been done wrong.

EqualOpportunityEmployer

I start thinking about the class action law suit that is sure to come next. I imagine that I am the name plaintiff because my case was the most egregious instance of discrimination ever, and I realize this whole thing may end up being a Lifetime made-for-TV movie. So clearly I need to consider who will play me in the movie.

Naturally, with a life as exciting as mine, this isn’t the first time I imagined a movie all about me, me, me. My first choice to play me in any movie has long been Camryn Manheim. I love her because many years ago when she won an Emmy for The Practice she held it up in triumph and said “This is for all the fat girls!” But still. Does Camryn really have the acting chops for this role? Can she play me in all my complexity; the brave me, the stalwart me, the resolute me, the super qualified me? I know she won an Emmy and all, but it’s an intricate role that will require a good degree of finesse.

camryn

I wonder whether or not Tina Fey is too young to play a woman who is battling a life-altering case of age discrimination. Then I start wondering if choosing an actress is itself fraught with allegations of age discrimination. Or any discrimination for that matter. Could an African American actress capture my essence? Maybe. But what if there was a lawsuit over discriminating against actors while casting a film about a discrimination lawsuit? I start thinking that I am possibly overthinking this whole thing.

The bottom line is that the EEOC thinks that there is a possibility that I, and scores of others, have been done wrong. So it is my right, and quite possibly my very duty as an American, to seek recompense. Perhaps given six figures from the company, and six figures in royalties from the movie, I might be able to get over this whole tragedy. But I’ll have to give it some more thought.  Also, does anyone know what Camryn’s up to these days?

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20 Responses to My Equal Employment Opportunity

  1. Pam Waits says:

    Hmm, in my movie I would like Sandra Bullock, George Clooney, Tina Fey, Ellen, Amy Schumer and Jimmy Fallon (with music by Adele, Pharrell, and Adam Levine). I don’t think they would all play me, but you never know. I’ll leave that to the experts. Jill – this blog is so, so, so, so, so, so, funny. I will be laughing all day.

    • Jill Foer Hirsch says:

      Love love love Amy Schumer! Sometimes it’s a little scary, like she is saying what I’m thinking. Sadly, she is too young to play me in any movie about me, except…flashback! She could be the flashback me, when I’m thinking back about a pivotal moment in my 30s. Yes. Calling her agent now because I know she will be thrilled to get the news.

      Glad you enjoyed the post!

  2. Carol Ferenc says:

    OMG, I don’t know what’s funnier, your post or these comments. Still laughing!

  3. Wendy Medler says:

    so so funny Jill- my h
    ubby is a EEOC lawyer- I need to share with him!!

  4. Camryn Manheim is a splendid choice, I loved that she played Snow White in the 10th Kingdom. I used to think Sophia Loren could play me but I now think she’s too long in the tooth, so I’ll settle for Selma Hayak.
    Looking forward to the mini-series and book based on your battle against ageism.

    regards,
    Theresa

    • Funny how movie stars get older and we stay the same! Hope all is well in Mexico and that we don’t end up with a wall between us…

      • Yeah, what’s up with that? They are getting older and we definitely are not. I heard that 60 is the new 40.Though who would play me in the flashbacks? So many little details.

        I don’t think a wall is would be a problem, following the custom of my people I will go by boat and arrive in Miami. Cruise ships stop in Progreso all the time, no reason to come on a raft. Though after reading about your cruise experience, maybe a boat isn’t such a great idea.

        My big worry is what if I get classified as an anchor baby and stripped of my citizenship? Even though my parent’s immigrated (legally) long before I was born. How about my friend whose parents came after WWII (after a less than stellar camping experience in Germany) would they do the same to her? Or the one whose mom was a war bride?

        regards,
        Theresa

        • Jill Foer Hirsch says:

          If Trump is elected so much as dog catcher I may well be coming to your side of the border. Before people here in the US start having less than stellar camping experiences…

  5. Betsey says:

    Ian McKellen will portray me; I love him.

  6. Meg Ryan is going to play me as soon as I get a story together. One of my favorite rejections was for a call center supervisor (I was desperate at the time). A lovely lady called me. We had a thing going when she asked if I was bi-lingual. Pig Latin didn’t count so I didn’t get the job. Personally I think knowing pig Latin makes me bi-lingual and I SHOULD have gotten the job. Can I tag onto your case?

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