My Equal Employment Opportunity

An email from the EEOC popped up in my inbox. Apparently, I applied for a job at a company they are now investigating for age discrimination. The company is one of those places likely to have new age open seating design and 20 somethings running around coming up with clever new uses for their app.


At my age, I am just barely cool enough to even use the word “app.” From what I surmise/pieced together/assumed, they were hiring based on a concept of who would fit in with 20 somethings. And that is certainly not me. To be honest, I myself was thinking that when I applied for the job, but then I reminded myself that I am hip, cool, down with the youth. Totally down. Sure, I’m used to having an office with a door, but given the chance I would no doubt adapt to working in a shared hive. No. Doubt.

The EEOC email contained a link to a survey that asked me about my experience applying for a job and interviewing. I never got called for an interview. At the time I thought nothing of it because dozens of places never called me for an interview. I’m used to rejection. When I was looking for a job I was competing with a gazillion other highly educated Washingtonians with impeccable resumes. That’s just how it goes. But now, this investigation has me rethinking. I take umbrage at the fact that I may have been discriminated against! Five minutes into the survey, I am convinced that although I can’t even remember what the job was, I was eminently qualified for the job; in fact I was the most qualified person for that job ever, and I have been done wrong.


I start thinking about the class action law suit that is sure to come next. I imagine that I am the name plaintiff because my case was the most egregious instance of discrimination ever, and I realize this whole thing may end up being a Lifetime made-for-TV movie. So clearly I need to consider who will play me in the movie.

Naturally, with a life as exciting as mine, this isn’t the first time I imagined a movie all about me, me, me. My first choice to play me in any movie has long been Camryn Manheim. I love her because many years ago when she won an Emmy for The Practice she held it up in triumph and said “This is for all the fat girls!” But still. Does Camryn really have the acting chops for this role? Can she play me in all my complexity; the brave me, the stalwart me, the resolute me, the super qualified me? I know she won an Emmy and all, but it’s an intricate role that will require a good degree of finesse.


I wonder whether or not Tina Fey is too young to play a woman who is battling a life-altering case of age discrimination. Then I start wondering if choosing an actress is itself fraught with allegations of age discrimination. Or any discrimination for that matter. Could an African American actress capture my essence? Maybe. But what if there was a lawsuit over discriminating against actors while casting a film about a discrimination lawsuit? I start thinking that I am possibly overthinking this whole thing.

The bottom line is that the EEOC thinks that there is a possibility that I, and scores of others, have been done wrong. So it is my right, and quite possibly my very duty as an American, to seek recompense. Perhaps given six figures from the company, and six figures in royalties from the movie, I might be able to get over this whole tragedy. But I’ll have to give it some more thought.  Also, does anyone know what Camryn’s up to these days?

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