Matchmaker Matchmaker Make Me A Match

I met my husband almost 30 years ago, well before the advent of online dating. We dated offline, although we didn’t know what that meant at the time. But nowadays it seems there are so many options for finding the perfect mate. Services like eharmony and match.com claim to scientifically match you with the perfect partner. Jewish singles turn to Jdate, Christians looking for love check out Christian Mingle, and people of, well, a certain age check out Our Time. Geez, there’s even a site called Farmers Only, in case you want to date a farmer.

Funny-online-dating

I can only assume that there are also an array of online dating sites for same sex couples. But I think I know where there’s a gap in the market. Namely, where does a heterosexual woman go to find the perfect Gay Husband? You know, not the real husband, but the man who totally understands her and will always be by her side?

onlinedating

As many of you know, I had a perfectly serviceable gay husband who just took off one day and moved back to Munich. That’s all the way over in Germany you know. I’m still completely devoted to him of course, but a girl can get lonely with just one straight husband and her gay husband thousands of miles away. I mean sure, I’ve tried to find someone new. I have lots of gay friends who I date casually. But no one to really commit to me for the long haul. I need an online service that can match me up with a more geographically desirable gay husband.

I’ve taken the liberty of filling out the questionnaire…

Desired physical traits: I definitely want someone tall. Or short. Blonde hair or at least brown, but if not then black or gray hair. I would take red hair in a pinch but it would be weird since I’m a redhead. He must have blue eyes. Or brown or green or that really pretty color of hazel. However, under no circumstances should he have prettier eyes than me. Not too physically fit; otherwise he’ll spend way too much time at the gym and not enough time attending to my needs.

Desired personality traits: An honest, open and caring individual who will love me for me, as long as I have nice clothes and shoes, matching lipstick, and don’t cramp his style when he’s cruising men at a bar. Or the mall or the movies or the restaurant or a parking lot or anywhere there are men. A sensitive man who cries at tampon commercials. Not because of the storyline but because he’s frightened that they might show girl parts. A man who is comfortable enough in his own skin to scream like a little girl at scary movies. A man who is willing to tell me when a pair of jeans make my butt look too big, but does it in a really gentle manner. Routinely calls me sweetie.

Common interests: Travel (we can alternate gay and straight destinations), a devoted Bravo TV fan who can name every Real Housewife since the beginning of time. Equally comfortable spending a quiet weekend at home immersed in a Will & Grace marathon or out and about enjoying the Miss Adams Morgan Pageant. Doesn’t have to love pro football, but must be able to muster some level of enthusiasm for my sake. Enjoys spending hours hot ironing my hair and accessorizing me before parties and other events. Funny stories about dating women before he came out would be a big plus, but not mandatory.

Other: A secure gay man who will not be offended by my indulgent stereotyping for the sake of humor.

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25 Responses to Matchmaker Matchmaker Make Me A Match

  1. Vanessa Rrodriquez says:

    If i were to be asked if i would ever contact a MAGIC PRIEST Online during an interview of any sort, i would ask the interviewer if they were out of their mind Because things like that cost them there job. Not just because i thought of MAGIC spell as something fetish but also because most people see MAGIC spell as pure madness. At least that was my point of view about MAGIC spell until METODO ACAMU showed me what true MAGIC spell was. He helped me get back my husband that was involved with my best friend from even before we got married. My suspicion started on my husband 45th years old birthday i threw for him. I was working my ass out trying to making sure he has the best time of his life that day while himself and one of my best friend were all over each other. I did not notice anything because she was one of my best friend and we shared a lot together who would have ever thought that she would stab me at the back. But my other friend noticed what was going on. They observed that anytime he dropped his phone, she picks hers up and like they told me it went on for about 2 hours straight. They did not tell me until after the birthday bash. They told me all about what was going on i was totally shocked i could not believe that my best friend and my husband were involved with one another. I was going to jump into conclusion and ask them about it but no i decided find out more information to get my fact right. With the help of my friend who still had my best interest in heart they were able to steal her phone ie they back stabbing friend phone. And i got to know all i need to know. My husband and her have being see each other since even before we got married and my husband confirmed it was he was like she has always been the one he loved and wanted to spend his life with. I was so sick and sad, what was i going to tell our kid that mommy and daddy can not stay together anymore cos of the my friend they call Aunt ? i remember that i cried for days with the thought that i have been a fool for nine years not noticing anything like i was a fool in love with someone who never loved me. It was like my heart was failing. I was still in love with my husband even if he no longer wanted to be with me. I could not bear the pain of being without him and having to lie to my kids so i found a MAGIC PRIEST to help me. Though i was skeptical about it i just thought to myself what do i have to loss i mean with a MAGIC spell or not i have lost the one thing aside from my kids that made me whole and the probability that i was loss my kids to him when it came to custody battle was at the high so i just let myself do what my heart told me to do. I contacted METODO ACAMU after reading a comment on a blog about how he has helped a lot of men and women fix their problem. I explained to him my situation and he promised he was going to help kill my pain by bring the man i love back to me. He asked me to either get some materials he listed for me and send them to him via ups or i bring them to him in his temple or i can also send him the cost of the materials to get them for me. I sent the cost to him because it was the cheapest option of all. It took him about 6 day to prepare the spell and after which he send me a package containing something am not allowed to tell but i can promise it is totally harmless to even a fly along side instructions on how to make the MAGIC spell active. It took another 5 days for the Magic spell to became active and after that day it was almost like magic i can explain what happened but all i can say is that my husband came back to me asking me to take him back telling me how much he loves me and wanted to be with me. My life is back to how it ought to be with my husband and my kids by my side. METODO ACAMU helped me make this happen. Here is his contact for those who believe and want to contact him metodoacamufortressx @ yahoo. com us this email in the regular format for emails where letters and characters all packed together

  2. Curry says:

    Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my husband after three(3) years of marriage just because another woman had a spell on him and he left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this great spell caster on this address greatpriestessyewa@gmail.com , have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a woman had a spell on my husband and he told me that he will help me and after 3 days that i will have my husband back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. i am now happy with my husband. Thanks to Great Priest Essyewa. you can also email him via greatpriestessyewa@gmail.com

  3. audrey says:

    My name is audrey, I almost took my life because of my ex who left me and stop picking my calls. He said do not trust me anymore, I tried to convince him, but he will not believe me until we had a fight and broke up for 8months, after then I realize I can not live without him because of the love I have for him. I tried everything possible to get him back, but non worked for me, some fake spell casters scammed me and went away with my money until I came across this man called DR Agbadi, he cast a spell for me and behold my ex came back after three days, begging me for forgiveness, I was so surprised that spell caster like Dr Agbadi still exist. If anyone here needs some help, with all sincerity, contact Dr Agbadi SPELL via his email: dragbadilaguspelltemple@gmail.com.

  4. helen says:

    The best RECIPE FOR LOVE I have EVER found has been with Dr Agbadi Oracle spell!!!!!!! LADIES, WAIT NO LONGER!!! I am in 7TH HEAVEN because I was guided to Dr Agbadi Oracle spell by my own spirit guide, and my relationship was successfully REPAIRED when it was DYING a slow DEATH!!! Just TRUST IN GOD and know that magic lies within you as well, if you deem it so!!! I have met my SOUL MATE for LIFE and know that no matter what, this cannot be TAKEN from me!! All BLESSINGS to the magnificence of Dr Agbadi Oracle spell!! All thanks dragbadilaguspelltemple@gmail.com make sure you contact this man he can help… HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS: dragbadilaguspelltemple@gmail.com

  5. vera says:

    Three weeks ago my boyfriend broke up with me. it all started when i Travel to UK to spend my holiday with my friend,i was trying to contact him but it was not going through. So when i came back from UK i saw him with a lady kissing, i was frustrated and it gives me sleepless night. I called my friend told her what happened and she introduce me to a spell cater who helped her long time ago. Which i contact him and i never believed that the spell will work so easily because i have contacted many spell casters to get him back all they do is to take my money with no result. I am happy to tell you all that my boyfriend is back and committed to me alone and he do whatever i ask him to do with love and care. All thanks to Dr Agbadi the great magician who helped me to restore my boy friend to me:dragbadilaguspelltemple@gmail.com.. Email this powerful and authentic spell caster via email now: dragbadilaguspelltemple@gmail.com

  6. vgfoster says:

    When you get that dating site up and running I’ll be the first to sign up. This is exactly the relationship my life is missing!

  7. Betsey says:

    I am shocked by what I read here. You like football? You think you know a person…

  8. Pam Waits says:

    I want this guy, too. Maybe your next job is setting up a gay husband website. Your hilarious blog reminds me of a book I’m sure you’d enjoy: Porn for Women. It’s not what you think.

    You can check it out at http://www.amazon.com/Women-Cambridge-Womens-Pornography-Cooperative/dp/0811855511/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1404699337&sr=1-1&keywords=porn+for+women

    • Jill Foer Hirsch says:

      Sorry, just saw your comment. It was sitting in the pending folder because of the link. I LOVE this book!! Just annoying that I didn’t think of it first.

  9. mimijk says:

    Love you Jill and love how you think..xox

  10. Heather says:

    Ahaha. I hope that he reads this!

  11. katecrimmins says:

    I didn’t know you had a gay husband. I worked in design so I had a lot of gay friends. Loved them. They were part of the girl group (without the hormonal lady parts) but with better ideas and funnier delivery. One time I was working for this gay guy and a real hot hunk walked into the shop. OMG! We were both vying for his attention just like two lovesick teenagers.

    • Jill Foer Hirsch says:

      Yes, my GH is Andre, from the book. And that is the only problem with gay men-competition! BTW, my cats read your blog today and now Jack is calling me cupcake. Sigh.

  12. You are so funny! I love when I read your posts and I giggle aloud!

  13. Ann Koplow says:

    I learn so much from you, Jill. Now I know I need a gay husband, in addition to my other essentials (which include your posts).

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