How To Become Fit Without Really Trying: Laziness 101

As I have probably made abundantly clear by now, I am somewhat of a sloth. Exercise? Not so much. But the fact is that a girl can only sit on her butt for so long before it’s time to get the old blood flowing. OK, well, this girl could probably sit around forever doing nothing, and never feel a real desire to exercise, but, well, it’s got to be done.

I think I have a number of viable options for a new routine. One thing I’m considering is a strict regimen of laughing my ass off. If I watch and read nothing but hilariously funny stuff, surely I will chuckle off the flab? Maybe the effect would be even greater if I was watching someone else exercise. Hence, one option for a new routine: Laughing at Richard Simmons Sweatin’ to the Oldies!

richard

Of course, I could also approach this the same way I would a business problem, which leads me to one obvious conclusion: outsourcing. I will hire someone to exercise for me! Possibly someone offshore who won’t bother me with a lot of chatter when I’m trying to watch TV. In fact, as long as I’m outsourcing, I might as well hire them to eat right as well. That way, when my body atrophies they will have already been compensated to give me a full body transplant.

Another option might be simply buying larger clothes. How often did I hear my HR persona explaining to people that perception is reality? That being the case, I should be able to cut inches off my waist just by buying a new pair of jeans that are two sizes too large! I can also ask my doctor to switch the results of my physical with those of a 25 year old aerobics instructor.

Maybe I should look to the east for a more Zen approach. A new mantra…I am physically fit. My body is a temple. Deep cleansing breaths. Method acting? Be the fitness. Become the fitness. Visualize a physically fit body and soul. Embrace the freakin’ fitness.

I’m going to go watch Jane Fonda aerobics with a laugh track, as I become one with the fitness. I’ll let you know how it all works out. Hmm, “works out” sounds like exercise too…

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22 Responses to How To Become Fit Without Really Trying: Laziness 101

  1. The Regular Guy NYC says:

    Now get down and give me twenty! Get back up and give me fifty! Sit down and give me thirty! Now that you’ve given me a hundred that’ll teach you to not drop all the jelly beans on the floor!

    • Jill Foer Hirsch says:

      Will exercise for candy! Make it chocolate instead of jelly beans, and I’ll really be on a roll!

  2. You never fail to make me giggle! 🙂

  3. Pam Waits says:

    Ben Aaron from NBC had the same problem. He eventually found an exercise he liked – walk dancing. He documented his experience. I highly recommend the few minutes it takes to watch the video. But be warned, you might be tricked into doing some laughercise (exercise due to laughing). Here’s the link: http://www.superstarmagazine.com/this-guy-decided-to-dance-with-someone-on-the-street-what-happened-next-will-make-your-day/

    • Jill Foer Hirsch says:

      Love this! Sadly, two drawbacks for me. 1) it involves actually moving and 2)it is outdoors…and I try to stay in a climate controlled state at all times. Still, probably adaptable for the indoors. Dance-Treadmilling?

    • Andre says:

      Excellent idea! I think Jill should start walk dancing. And post videos of it. That way we could all benefit from it by laughing our %§& off and losing weight.

      • Jill Foer Hirsch says:

        Why are you so mean to me? I already have two older brothers to pick on me, I don’t need someone else in the peanut gallery! You can make it up to me by immediately jetting over here and bringing me treats of some kind. Or even better, send K-H

  4. jjlhicks says:

    You might be onto something here . . .

  5. katecrimmins says:

    I like the way you think (and the way you don’t exercise). You have some viable options here. I like off shore outsourcing myself.

    • Jill Foer Hirsch says:

      Maybe I’ll be a good influence on you. I read on your blog that you do routinely exercise, and it worries me. Hopefully I can serve as a role model for laziness and apathy. Just another service I provide.

  6. mimijk says:

    Virtual exercise!! Jill, if you can find a way to do this you ca be a billionaire – can I be your agent??

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