How Best Western Ruined My Entire Life

This Best Western thing has taken a turn for the worse, because now they think I want to continue to stay in their, umm, lodgings.  They make it sound like I’m some kind of longstanding customer!  They have my address and my credit card number so I will be stalked for the rest of my life.


One Rewarding Stay Deserves Another!

Welcome to Best Western Rewards®!  We’re always looking for ways to reward our valued members.  Let’s start by giving you a new member bonus of 1,000 bonus points on your next qualified* stay!  This bonus is in addition to the points you would normally earn.

Just be sure to register for this offer before your next stay. Thanks for being a member of Best Western Rewards!


It’s not just the stalking that frightens me; now I have a skeleton in the closet.  When I become really famous Oprah Winfrey is going to ask me what my life was like before my blockbuster book hit the shelves.  Oprah is pretty hip to the whole “born a poor black child” story; I’d go with a demure statement about our upper middle class life, traveling and whatnot.  And then Oprah would whip out a copy of the Best Western bill and ask me to identify it, and just like that, the jig is up.  I try to explain, accept a follow up interview with Katie Couric, but all in vain.  Done, washed up, has been.

Surely Dan can now see why I need to stay at Four Seasons and Ritz-Carltons going forward.  Off to get some rest now.  Honestly, this whole thing has been very traumatic.

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4 Responses to How Best Western Ruined My Entire Life

  1. mimijk says:

    I think you should change your name…Madonna?

  2. Betsey says:

    I have the same reward plan at Worst Western!

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