I’m distraught. I went out to brunch last Sunday and ordered what was alleged to be bagel and lox. My meal arrived and for a moment I couldn’t even speak. What was I seeing? There was a pile of old-looking lox dumped on one side of the plate, and what I could only assume was a bagel somewhere in the middle. I couldn’t tell for sure because it was hidden under a pile of pale diced tomatoes. On what planet is this OK? Just give me back my thick slice of beefsteak tomato and nobody gets hurt.
There was also the matter of the bagel. The bagel was doughy in all the wrong ways. It had cream cheese on it, sort of, but it was spread so thin you could see right through it and some of the surface had no cream cheese on it at all. I gnawed on the cream-cheesed part of the bagel, but my heart wasn’t in it. I don’t want to overreact but the whole mess was no less than an affront to humanity.
And as if all that wasn’t enough drama, the woman who was supposed to meet me there stood me up. I barely know her but she had offered to give me advice on entrepreneurship over brunch.
Let’s face it, the morning was a bust. No edible brunch, no advice and definitely no need to be there in the first place. The only reason I even ordered something to eat was because I felt bad that I had taken up a table for so long when the place was packed. And when I finally told the server that the second guest wouldn’t be joining me after all, he gave me the sympathy look that says ”Gee it’s a shame you’re a loser.”
I take comfort in the fact that you guys know I’m totally not a loser…right?