I promise I shall do my best to write about TV shows no more frequently than I write about cats. Please draw what reassurance you can from that statement. Don’t judge.
I have recently been watching a show on TLC hosted by Tori Spelling, called Craft Wars. I have no idea why I watch, because I’ve never in my life made a craft. That popsicle stick log cabin I started in 2nd grade still stands half-built somewhere. That was my last attempt. Maybe I watch to convince myself that I made the right decision by boldly marching into 3rd grade without a completed craft in my repertoire.
Anyway, Craft Wars serves as an infomercial for Michael’s Arts & Crafts Store, and is a concept that is surely the love child of MacGyver and Martha Stewart. Despite the fact that there is a warehouse full of every craft product imaginable, and an entire woodshop, contestants are challenged to make microscopes out of pie tins and rubber bands and cars out of paper towel rolls and thumb tacks.
Apparently, all things are made possible by a hot glue gun and something called Modge Podge. As far as I can tell, you can Modge Podge dining room furniture using paper plates and magazine clippings, and with a little felt, buttons, glitter and a hot glue gun you can make a dog house. Not that I would be associated with a dog willing to sleep in the thing, but the point is, it’s possible. To hear these crafters talk, hot glue guns and Modge Podge are nothing short of modern day miracles.
The judges mostly nitpick about how the hot glue and Modge Podge have been used, and how they should have been used. Because in the land of the craft, there are very strict rules. Otherwise everyone would just be running around loose with their imaginations! Horrible.
In fairness, the judges are highly qualified: a Creative Executive from Michael’s named Jo Pearson, whose clothes are designed by Holly Hobby; Erica Domasek, the founder and CEO of the “innovative DIY company P.S. I made this” and author of a book by the same name. She is “a distinguished DIY design and lifestyle expert.” Last but not least, Stephen Brown, who is described as an author, entrepreneur and founder of the multi-million dollar giftware company called Glitterville Studios.
Let’s all agree on one thing; Glitterville Giftware would make an awesome name for a band. And Craft Wars has given me an excuse to use Modge Podge in a sentence. It just doesn’t get any better than that.