Let’s get it straight at the outset that I don’t believe in psychics, fortune tellers, tarot card readers or mediums (I guess in this case the plural isn’t media?) I do believe there are people who, motivated by profit, are very good at reading people and taking calculated guesses as to what’s happening in their lives.
Medium: I feel that you’ve lost someone you love
Sucker: How do you know that? (sobbing)
Medium: It was someone very close to you, a name that starts with an M, I’m getting an M (furtively glances at sucker’s face), no maybe it’s a W that came through upside down…
Sucker: OMG, is that William? Is that William coming through?
Medium: Yes, that’s it, William. He wants to tell you that he loves you and he forgives you for everything
Medium: He’s talking about a deck of cards, something about cards or games…
Sucker: OMG, we used to play board games together! How could you possibly know that?
We all believe what we want to believe, right? One of my former bosses was big into the psychic thing. I was complaining one day about my cat peeing on the carpet, and he said I had to try his animal psychic. She had helped him with his dog and she knew things she would have no way of knowing, like that his dog liked to take long walks on the beach, and then sleep really close to him! Huh. Impressive.
Just for the heck of it I decided to go ahead and call her for a phone reading. I just said I had a problem with my cat Mukki, and didn’t describe the problem at all. She’s the psychic, she should figure it out! She told me she was getting close to reaching my cat. The orange tabby, right? Nope. Oh there she is! A little black and white tuxedo cat. Nope. Uhh, tell me what she looks like so I can find her; she’s hiding from me. I noted that Mukki was a tortoise shell. Oh! I see her now. She’s telling me she feels bad about certain things. What kind of things? Umm, scratching? No. Killing a bird? No. A mouse maybe? No. Oh! I get it now, she broke something very valuable. No.
Long pause. I think I know what the problem is. She is refusing to talk to me. Your cat has some deep rooted issues.
But when I got home, I saw that the real issue was that Mukki had no time for psychics…