A Little Story About Jack and Diane

I will admit that one of my guilty pleasures is eavesdropping in restaurants.  When Dan and I go out to dinner, I have to shush him sometimes to listen in on a neighboring table.  It’s not the nicest thing in the world, but it’s not the worst either.  The worst thing would be if I actually butted in to the conversation.  Yep, I’ve done that too but that’s another story for another time.

We went out to dinner tonight; a chic romantic little place called Captain Pell’s Seafood.  It’s a textbook perfect crab house; fluorescent lights, rickety torn up tables and chairs, brown kraft paper over the table, and a stack of paper towels for napkins.  As you recall we don’t eat crabs anymore; we go for the bi-valves who apparently don’t feel pain when they’re breaded and fried and dipped in cocktail sauce.  And there were no animals harmed in the making of the hush puppies.

It was in this elegant setting that we sat next to a couple who I’m just going to call Jack and Diane.  I have no idea what Jack does for a living, or where he works, but I can tell you a lot about his job.  And even though I don’t know Jack’s actual name, I know he works with a fellow named Glen.  Here’s what I know about Glen—he is the worst kind of low down dirty rotten backstabber you’ve ever seen.

As Jack tells it, this guy Glen just waltzed in and got a job for which he is completely unqualified.  Jack suspects he is secretly the nephew of the owner of the company or something, and Diane agrees 100%, because Glen gets away with murder.  Glen calls in sick a lot, and if anyone else did that they’d be, and I quote, “reppermanded or something.”   But noooo, not Glen the bleeping golden boy.  And when he is at work he does nothing but make more work for everyone else, and he lives to make Jack look bad.  Glen is a bleeping bleep.  Diane thinks Glen is a giant bleeping bleep and his whole salary should be given to Jack as a bonus, because Jack’s the only one who does a damn thing over there.

The boss buys Glen’s act because he is a bleeping bleepity bleep bleep moron who just likes Glen because he has his head up the boss’s bleep. It turns out that the boss has it in for Jack because he gets reppermanded just for looking crossways.  Diane has half a mind to march right in there and give him a piece of her mind.  To be honest, if Diane is using just half a mind to begin with, and then gives a piece of it to the boss, she is going to have precious little left.

I would estimate at that point that Jack and Diane had consumed 3 dozen crabs and 8 gallons of Bud Light.  The more Bud Light, the worse that bleeping bleep of a boss got.  By now Jack and Diane have decided that Glen and the boss are “funny” and they’re probably sleeping together.  In my mind this proves once and for all that Jack is a real man and Glen and the boss are just bleeps.  Diane agrees.

Jack and Diane decided that they couldn’t eat any more crabs and they might as well just meet their friends at a bar.  By now I’m sure everyone at the bar knows that Glen is a bleeping son of a bleep.  That’s just Glen.

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One Response to A Little Story About Jack and Diane

  1. André Bräcker says:

    A bleeping picture of Jack and Diane would have been nice.

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